yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
