cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
