last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
