I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
