ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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