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I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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