her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
