We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Rumble strips road head = magical
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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