so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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