Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
a search helicopter?!
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
