We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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