K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
