Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
