He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
