How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
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He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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