So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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