dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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