Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
how does that bad decision feel?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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