Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
