you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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