I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
