Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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