my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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