Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
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We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
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it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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