maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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