I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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