There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
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talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
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Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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