It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
