Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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