i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
MIDGETS
????
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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