I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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