areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Randomize
