The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
