Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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