This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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