If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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