Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
