My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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