I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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