I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She told me I should be a condom model.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
