my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Still dying that you shit outside
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
