Who did Billy Mays play for?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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