I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
