He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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