You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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