i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
