well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
