id be glad to
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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