Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
