I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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