i think i have two assholes
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
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Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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