Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
