so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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