you didnt know i had herpes?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
