Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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