Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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