First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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