i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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