she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
