She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
