What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
