girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
