She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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