Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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