i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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