Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
