You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
NoShamevember. You game?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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