so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
