Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
