I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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