I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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