Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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