omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
