theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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