VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
