i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
