there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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