he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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